Monday, May 15, 2006

Hallmark Holidays

Well, today was Mother's Day... not that you could tell in MY house. This is one thing that I don't appreciate about my husband, his lack of regard for "Hallmark holidays". I know that there are some holidays geared towards gifts and cards and what not, but that doesn't mean that there HAVE to be those things. Sometimes it's nice to just be treated like you're special and appreciated. I don't mind not getting a card or a gift, but I really would have liked to be pampered just a little... like someone else cooking for me, or being able to sleep in just a little longer than normal. Disappointment is definitely a word that I can correspond with right now. And as much as I don't want to be, I'm jealous. I love my friends and family, but I wish I could be appreciated by my husband once in awhile (like today... a holiday created to APPRECIATE mothers... not to ask MORE of them than they already do). Alright, so he DID change a few diapers today and he did watch the kids last night while I went out (for the first time in about 3 years... although he DID call me right at the end of the evening and yelled at me for not being able to hear my phone... don't ask). I guess I just want to know that I'm loved. I know my family loves me, and I know that my friends at least LIKE me... but a lot of the time I don't feel that way to Mike. I think that today has really gotten to me because both of the boys couldn't stand to be out of my sight today... I walk out of the room and Andy starts screaming and Matthew is just inconsolable. I'm just exhausted from a day that I thought would be a little more relaxing than my normal days (instead it was completely the opposite... I felt like I had MORE to do and be responsible for today). The one thing that I did for myself today was not doing any housework (other than feeding, clothing, cleaning and putting kids to bed and 3 loads of laundry). Although I'm not entirely sure that was a wonderful idea bedcause I'll have twice as much to do tomorrow. I just wish I could feel appreciated for what I do... because I don't... not even close. Today has made me feel worse about what I do and am than I have in a long time. Normally I mostly enjoy taking care of my family, but today I'm slightly resenting all the work I have to do... it's not like I get paid for time I put in or anything. I enjoy taking care of my boys, but today nothing seemed to make them happy (except coloring, in Matthew's case, but there are only so many times I can pick up 64 crayons in one day... or clean it off of anything non-paper that he decided to "decorate"). Tonight I would love to be able to go to sleep and stay that way for a week. Or to be able to go to "work" (meaning a job OUTSIDE my home that involves interacting with other adults) and have Mike realize just how much work it is to look after two little kids all day (and as much cleaning as you seem to do, NOTHING seems to really get done). All in all, I just want to be appreciated by my husband. And I want to teach my sons to be wonderful husbands (because they probably won't learn that from their dad any time soon). Just to note... I DO love my husband, but if I could change things about him, I would, as I'm sure he would about me if he had the chance. Anyway, I should go and get some sleep... Happy Mommy's Day everyone.



Blogger amy said...

Hi, I am so sad that you didn't have a happy mothers' day. :o(
You obviously are very appreciated by two very special little boys who don't want you to ever leave them, they need you. And Mike, even if he doesn't realize it all the time, needs you too, and I know that he does love you a lot. Maybe he doesn't 'know how' to show you that he appreciates you. I would have thought he would be better at that, isn't his dad pretty appreciative, and maybe even a little romantic?? I guess boys don't learn everything from their daddy's. But they do learn alot from us that's for sure. I know it's hard to be appreciative when you're not getting it in return, but eventually if you are, perhaps it'll rub off on your Mike.
Best of luck in that department, I'll keep you guys in my prayers..
Keep on being a great mommy to your beautiful boys, take care.

2:08 p.m.  
Blogger Deana said...

It really is a hard job to be a Mom and you need those times to feel appreciated. My friends husband was the same, never did anything, she finally sat him down and said I need you to do more, and he actually is much better, so maybe there is hope.
I know your kids do appreciate it, but of couse they can't express it. Hang in there, and I hope he will do better next time.

8:35 p.m.  

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