Monday, February 27, 2006

Lonely... I'm so lonely....

Mike left for work again this morning... there are up sides and down sides to this. Up: my house stays a LOT cleaner for the week... I can make what I want to eat, rather than catering to someone else... it's REALLY hard to fight with yourself... Down: I miss him... my bed feels very big without him... no one to watch the kids if I need to escape... I miss him (yes, I know I said that already... but I DO!)

Andy and Matthew both have doctor's appointments for tomorrow. I can't believe Matthew is going to be 2 in a few weeks! Where did my baby go? The time seems to fly by so fast. Tonite as I was putting Matthew to bed for the 7th time or so, I remembered the first couple weeks he was here... how little he was, and how soft his skin was... how I used to kiss his forehead and his little cheeks. It seems like it was just a few days ago, but here we are... almost 2 years later, hardly any trace of that baby boy left. Remembering that makes me want to do all those things with Andy... but without the part where he grows up. I think I'm scared that because Andy is second, I won't get those times with him like I did with Matthew.... it makes me sad to think of that. I guess all I can do is make the most of the time I do get with him... and try to make those times with Matthew again, because in 2 more years I'll be looking back thinking how on earth my boys got so big so fast. Sigh... I can't get enough of these times... and I don't want my boys to grow up... (although I wouldn't miss the not sleeping at night part, lol). I wonder if I'll ever have more kids... what if Andy is my last? (we're planning more, but who knows...) I don't want this to be the last time I'll have a little baby of my own... I'm not ready to give that up yet, I love it too much right now, especially now that I know just how fast it really does go by. I hope I'll get at least one more chance for a little baby... but just in case, I'm going to treasure every moment I get with Andy and Matthew while they're still these ages.

Wow this one got long... I guess that's what happens when I ramble, huh? Anyway, It's definitely past my bedtime. Take care everyone... and goodnite!

K

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